What to do about mental load? 10 practical tips

What is mental load?

Mental load refers to the invisible and unpaid mental and planning work that arises within families and relationships and is often undertaken by women. It is not about the specific tasks involved in housework or childcare, but rather the invisible mental work required to ensure that the visible tasks can be carried out. This mental work includes organising daily life, as well as planning and coordination.

This work usually goes unnoticed and unrecognised. It is therefore a form of care work, or day-to-day and family management, which, if taken to extremes, can lead to mental and physical exhaustion. Mental load is often invisible and is therefore easily overlooked, even though it can have a significant impact on well-being.

How does mental load arise?

Mental load can arise wherever there are many ‘invisible’ tasks to be carried out – primarily within the family and in relationships, but also at work. Typical examples of mental load include:

• coordinating and organising one’s own and others’ appointments
• writing shopping lists, keeping track of supplies and planning meals
• taking care of the laundry
• keeping track of the children’s clothes
• Booking the children’s doctor’s appointments
• Plan and organise parties
• Planning and organising holidays
• Keeping track of and organising household repairs
• Thinking of all the tasks that need to be done for a particular project, and coordinating them with others

Differences between men and women in terms of mental load

Even today, women still do more unpaid care work than men. Research shows that women do almost twice as much in this regard. In families with children or relatives in need of care, the figure is often as high as two-thirds. This unequal distribution of care work is also referred to as the gender care gap.

Why are women particularly affected?

Women are often more heavily affected by mental load, as traditional role models and societal expectations remain deeply ingrained. These role models suggest that women are better at looking after the needs and wishes of others. From an early age, girls learn to be empathetic and to take responsibility for the well-being of those around them. These learned behaviours mean that women often bear the brunt of the invisible mental work and organisation. Furthermore, social norms and expectations push women more strongly into the role of being primarily responsible for the household and family. This leads to an unequal distribution of care work and, consequently, to a greater burden of mental load.

Am I affected? Mental load tests

Mental load self-tests on the internet are no substitute for a psychological diagnosis, but they do allow for a rough assessment of the extent to which one is burdened by care work in everyday life.

You can find a mental load self-test, for example, at:

https://equalcareday.org/mentalload-test.pdf

What are the health consequences of mental load?

A high mental load can lead to negative health consequences for those affected. A typical symptom is chronic exhaustion, but other symptoms may also occur. These include, amongst others:

• sleep disturbances
• Headaches or migraines
• Back pain
• Muscle tension
• a feeling of inner restlessness and agitation
• Nervousness
• Gastrointestinal complaints
• Frequent infections
• Tinnitus
• Irritability
• High blood pressure
• Heart rhythm disturbances
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Burnout

When does mental load turn into burnout?

Constant stress caused by mental load can lead to burnout. As chronic exhaustion and other psychological strains increase, this constant pressure can result in depression or burnout. Burnout is characterised by mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. Those affected also suffer from:

• a lack of motivation
• alienation and cynicism towards their tasks
• reduced performance

In addition, numerous other mental and physical symptoms may arise.

How can you prevent mental load? 10 practical tips

Tip 1: Reduce stress

There are numerous methods for reducing stress. Sometimes simple breathing exercises are enough; for others, mindfulness exercises help; whilst others rely on Jacobson’s progressive muscle relaxation. Yoga and meditation have proven particularly effective against stress.

Tip 2: Set boundaries

To prevent mental load, it is important to make your own boundaries clear and to learn to say ‘no’ when various tasks are constantly putting you under too much pressure. Psychotherapy can sometimes be helpful here.

Tip 3: Address stress openly

By definition, mental load is invisible – as long as you don’t talk about it. Stressors should therefore be addressed openly wherever possible. The work that needs to be done behind the scenes should be made visible so that others can respond to it too.

Tip 4: Address the unequal distribution of work

Care work is often distributed unevenly, with women frequently bearing the greater share. It is important to address the problem and involve your partner in the care work.

Tip 5: Delegate tasks

Once the invisible has become visible, you can discuss together who has been taking on which everyday tasks so far and how you can achieve a fairer division of labour. This allows the overburdened partner to hand over more tasks

Tip 6: Accept support

If the tasks become too much, it helps to outsource some of them, such as tutoring for the children or hiring a cleaner for the home.

Tip 7: Cut out unnecessary tasks

Some everyday tasks aren’t strictly necessary. You should let go of these

Tip 8: Let go of perfectionism

Perfectionism can create additional pressure. It helps to lower your expectations of yourself a little

Tip 9: Practise self-care

Self-care isn’t a selfish attitude, but an important part of mental health. If you look after yourself well, you can also look after others well. This includes setting aside fixed times for rest and consciously creating a balance

Tip 10: A weekly family meeting to plan together

A weekly family meeting to discuss upcoming tasks can help to distribute responsibilities more evenly within the family. The weekly schedule is then displayed where everyone can see it.

Further recommendations

There are already numerous books on the subject of mental load that contain analyses and tips. These include, for example:

Patricia Cammarata: Escaping the Mental Load Trap. How to achieve a fair division of labour within the family. Beltz Verlag, Weinheim/Basel, 2020.

Laura Fröhlich: Your Workbook: The Woman for Life Is Not the Girl Friday: Getting Rid of Mental Load. Kösel Verlag, Munich, 2022.